Roger's Rating:

Antonio Passolini has done some very strange, very fun and often very fucked up porno flicks. (And in this case, I mean fucked up in a good way.) I guess it only makes sense that eventually he would make his way towards an X-Rated spoof of lame ass kiddie shows. Cap'n Mongo's Porno Playhouse comes with cheesy sing along opening music, a host dressed as a pirate, a midget sidekick, a clown in need of a bath and rehab and a whole bunch of freaky sluts ready to fuck. (And that's just the crew, don't get me started on the cast.) There is a laugh track, a crazy looking set and even a dead rodent on the shoulder of the good Cap'n. Those of you who don't like a little humor with your porn may want to go ahead and use the chicken exits now, because this is going to be a wild ride.

Mongo's little pal Chumly comes by to read the mail, but before she can open the first envelope, the sex alarm goes off. One of his neighbors, Miss Yvette (Teri Weigel) has just baked some hair pie and needs someone to share it with. Enter Fireman Dickie (Joel Lawrence) and the fun begins. Teri is wearing a pink wig and Joel has smoke coming out of his clothes, so you know this isn't your normal sex scene. Dickie skips the freshly baked pie and goes for Teri's only hairless honey pot. Teri still knows how to attack a dick with her mouth and does a nice two fisted stroke job into her mouth. It looks like poor Miss Yvette is lonely because she gobbles his dick with great enthusiasm and invites him to slam her pussy. In addition to her trademark screaming, Teri is throwing out a few choice bits of nasty talk as well. Joel just keeps his dick hard and fucks her hard from behind. He ends up shooting his load all over her big tits.

Fucko the Clown (Evan Stone) comes by, dirty and way fucked up. He offers some nice doody humor, before exiting for the men's room. Chumly finds a good letter to read. Thirty three year old Timmy lives at home, raises snails and wants to know what butt fucking is. The Cap'n just happens to have an instruction video on the topic. It's French with subtitles and starts Bridgette Kerkove as a working girl making her ass available for inexpensive afternoon corn holing. She starts out by taking Lee Stone's big cock into her mouth until he's hard enough to fill her full of meat. Even though he plucked down his hard earned five bucks to fuck that ass, Lee licks her pussy for a while so he can enjoy sex the old fashioned way. In the end, Bridgette does what she does best, takes an impossibly big cock deep into her ass. After four positions of sphincter stretching anal, Bridgette holds her mouth open for a big wad of cum. All that ass fucking and she swallows for a fiver, let's just hope that poor Timmy doesn't get the impression that he's supposed to let strange men bugger him in the butt

Another interesting character, Mr. Pantyhose, shows up to tell a lurid tale of a traveling garter saleswoman. When she shows up at Randy Spears' door, the breathy blonde (Ava Vincent) looks like she's going to have a tough time making a sale. A little leg later, he has bought out her whole stock and she gives him the special bonus gift. Bet you a twenty pound bag of fish heads you can't guess what that is. She doesn't even take off her big hat before devouring his rod. I'm not sure how many garters he had to buy, but I'd say fucking this babe is worth every pair. Randy gives her a spirited assfuck from behind, finally dropping his load right on her puckered pooper.

The alarm goes off at Miss Yvette's place again and this time Teri is getting a pedicure from her blonde assistant. Once the babe starts licking Teri's feet, the game is on and she's screaming like a stuck pussy pig. Not one to be greedy, she returns the favor and tears the other girl's pants right off. Someone needs to find Miss Yvette a hobby, because she nearly tears this poor girl in half with a dildo. Returning the favor, she shares a double done with the former Playmate and fucks her into the next time zone.

Cap'n puts on one of his favorite porno tapes 'Butcher Bimbos' and we get a little pro-am spoof with a cute blonde doing her first on screen fuck with meat cutters. Two guys in bloody smocks descend on the willing young babe and start licking her juiciest cuts. With a guy at each end, she gets pounded in the puss while keeping her mouth full. This isn't a bad scene, but the girl just doesn't put out that much effort. Sure, she looks good with a dick way up her shaved slit or down her throat, but just didn't stand out. After a brief DP, she squats between them to take two loads of gonad gravy all over her face.

Evan finally gets his own segment on the show and gives us tips on how to fuck rich, stuck up women. He's got Kiki D'Aire and Alexandra Nice on his couch. They are both dressed nicely and playing rich bitches. They don't dig the drunken, dirty bum, but say that his big cock turns them on anyway. Sliding over, they share his cock, pro-sucking it and showing us all that rich bitches look best with dicks in their mouths. Greedy Alex does most of the sucking while Kiki stays busy on his balls. (And that's a big job.) When they switch places, the dirty blonde proves that she knows what to do with a big cock as well. Kiki hikes up her skirt and drops her round ass down in his lap, waxing his rod with her sweet sauce. Alex gets over Kiki in a 69 and takes dick deep. (For the record, Alex did not need tits and I wish she hadn't gotten them.) Evan positions the girls on the couch for a little modified piledriver that gives us great shots of their legs. The way Alex is holding Kiki's cheeks open, it looks like we're going to get anal, but instead the girls share a pop, kissing it from each other's lips and chins.

There is a contest on the show called 'Who wants to fuck Miss Yvette.' Unable to pick just one winner, she chooses a pair of lucky dudes. In they come and their dream is about to come true. Pat Myne and Bobby Vitale are the lucky guys and they dive on her like she's the freshest meat they've ever tasted. Teri still knows how to suck dick and there is something wonderfully dirty about an ex-Playmate doing hard core. (Take that Hef.) They each pick an end, fucking Miss Yvette in just her heels and stockings. She kicks and screams as Pat pounds away on that smooth hole. After letting her take a nice looking ride, the guys double blast her big tits.

Well, where do we start? This is a very funny X rated flick, no question there. It's the kind of humor that fans who remember the great old Dark Brothers movies are going to appreciate. The dialog is quick, witty and will probably be even funnier the second time I watch it. Visually, the movie is impressive, though I will always believe that cut aways of anything non-sexual (Like the laughing mug of a drunken clown) during the fucking is a bad idea. Speaking of the sex, it's pretty good here. Teri Weigel has three scenes and is enthusiastic as ever. I liked her scene with Joel and the three way quite a bit. Kiki and Alex do a great three way with Stone. Bridgette Kerkove opens her ass for a very big cock in an impressive anal scene. Bailey and Eva Vincent also provide a little variety. The condoms are going to make it hard for some raincoaters to enjoy, but no one is going to mistake this one for couples porn.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM

The Walrus' Rating:

Starring: This is modeled after a children's TV variety show, a sort of porn version of Howdy Doody. Cap'n Mongo, a pirate with a suffed weasel on his shoulder, is the host. Teri Weigel is Miss Yvette, a regular character. I guess she is the female lead because she does three scenes. Evan Stone is truly disgusting as Fucko the Clown. Also appearing are Brigette Kerkove, Avan Vincent, Keri Windsor, Kiki Daire, and Alexandra Nice. Among the other men are Randy Spears, Bobby Vitale, and Pat Myne. I was not impressed by any of the performances.

The sets, like much else about this, were modeled after the Dark Brother's style. They succeeded in looking weird. The camera work, lighting, and editing were competent. The director and writer was Antonio Passolini, and he should be ashamed of himself for making something this moronic. I thought this guy as supposed to be talented.

Again, the attempt is to imitate the edginess of the Dark Brothers. They usually had at least a firm sense of style, which this lacks. There is no trace of eroticism here, just generic bodies going through the motions.

I suppose the best of a bad lot was the scene with Ava Vincent and Randy Spears. At least she had real tits and didn't speak any stupid dialogue during the sex.

As bad as the concept, the script, the direction, and the performances were, the worst was the quality of the boobjobs on very woman but Ava. Worst of all was the one on Bridgette Kerkove. Her surgeon must have considered himself to be an abstract sculptor, because his work has no resemblance to human female breast. He deserves to be shot, and so does she for letting him get away with it.

This is truly vile, and a low 1-.

Posted By The Walrus, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM